April 27, 2015

KVR Gaming Update 83: Guten Nachmittag!

Hello everyone, Kyle here. This week will actually have a review. I couldn't keep myself away from the site for too long, you see? I've updated the Tales from the Borderlands Content Guide with new information, and will post the review-of-sorts on Friday, also updated with new information.

In other news, after seeing some questionable practices in the video game industry, namely from Valve allowing developers to put a price tag on mods, I've decided that the time has come for me to return to writing articles.

Starting next week, these updates will stop being just "updates", and will include articles as well. Long or short, relevant or irrelevant, these posts will have an essay about something.

That's it. Thanks for taking the time to read this short post. You're awesome. May you be blessed with a thousand cookies, and a merry Christmas to all of you!

Gosh, I really need to update my calender...

Kyle out.

April 22, 2015

Battlefield Hardline Content Guide

Intro: Battlefield Hardline, the newest spin-off in the eponymous Military Combat series, moves away from the battlefront and into urban environments, focusing on police investigations and criminal activities, involving bank heists, robberies, drug trafficking, and murder.

Battlefield Hardline is strong on the violence and language fronts, with blood and gun violence shown frequently. Characters utter profanities at other characters, or use them as exclamations. Jesus' name is also taken in vain.

Drugs are also featured quite heavily in the story, with drug usage (which the writer didn't come across), and countless references to cocaine and other drugs.

For more detail, check out the full article after the jump break...

Reviewed By: KVR (Head Writer)

Verdict: Caution Advised (For Bloody Violence, Drug Usage and Frequent Strong Language)

Recommended Age: 16+

Most Graphic Content: Language/Violence

April 20, 2015

KVR Gaming Update 82: Another Day, Another Pancake Mixed With Brown Sugar and Three Spoonfuls of Honey Syrup

Hello again everyone! Hot on the heels of my decision to start reviewing again every week, I've changed the structure of said reviews up a bit. 

Instead of trying to cram a review in at the end of a potentially long Content Rundown, or "Parent's Guide" as we'll start calling them, effective this week, I will separate the Parent's Guide and Review, posting the former on Wednesday and the latter on Friday. 

Repeat: Parent's Guide on Wednesday, Review on Friday. Unless the Parent's Guide is based on a video walkthrough and not on my own playthrough, then reviews will not be posted. I'll still have to figure something out in this event.

Before I go any further, I want to make it clear: The Parent's Guide will be useful for ANYONE who wants to know about the content in a game, not just parents. The reason why we call it a Parent's Guide now, is because our main audience will be parents, and secondly gamers.

As a result, Parent's Guides will also be a lot more formal than these updates and the reviews. No, I'm not talking about "Those EULAs Which Everyone Always Skips Over" level of formal, but still some level of seriousness to provide parents with clear and concise detail.

Reviews will still be a part of this site, and I'll still be here to make cheesy jokes and engage in conversation with my loyal followers. If all goes well, I'll be able to do so more than usual.  

This is exciting news for the site, and for me as well, as we finally have a clear vision for the future. I look forward to all of our future adventures!

Now where did I put that blessed pancake...?

April 19, 2015

Karma Police (Radiohead) - Song Review

...Yeah I dunno what that photo is supposed to be either.

Reviewed By: KVR (Head Writer)

Album: OK Computer

Artist: Radiohead

Release Date: 1996

Genre: Alt-Rock

Verdict: 15+ For Heavy Emotional Content



--A panicked man runs away from a pursuing car. He eventually has to stop to catch his breath, and notices a trail of fuel leading up to the car. He sets it on fire, causing the resulting fire to pursue the car and eventually set it alight, with the fire engulfing the entire car and destroying it.

Spiritual Elements:

--The idea of Karma is interspersed throughout the song. The theme of the song is of paying the consequences for your actions, and of an external force punishing you for it.

Mature Lyrics:

--"For a moment there, I lost myself. I lost myself." Going with the theme of Karma and being punished for your actions, this line signifies the person in question having an identity crisis after doing something out of character for them, or realising that they've crossed a moral line which they swore not to ever cross.

--A reference to a "Hitler hairdo", as if implying that the person in question is a domineering, controlling or just plain evil human being.

Mood: (Downbeat)

The song is about guilt and a person going through an identity crisis. The tone is rather solemn and lonely, with the narrator wailing in a empty void towards the end of the song.
Review of Song:

Radiohead, most well known for their reservedly weird hit "Creep", produces one of the finest and most emotional songs of the last two decades, embodied in a rather unassuming song: Karma Police.

Simply put, the song is about guilt and identity. The guilt of past actions coming back to haunt us, hence "Karma Police". This puts the narrator in a destructive tail-spin centering on his own identity, as evidenced by the last few lines of the song where he bemoans losing himself...if only for a "minute".

This is where the genius subversion comes in: The song sounds very downbeat throughout, yet in the end, the spiral downwards is halted and sent right back to where it came from by the same person it sucked in to it's neverending void.

The music video gives us the answer within it's equally unassuming video, which dodges pretentious to give us genuine depth. The video represents a man being chased by his guilt, before finally standing up for himself and burning it the ground.

His guilt is represented by a car in the video, which slowly but surely chases him down a long and dark road. He trips and falls face-first, before leaping and spinning around to face the car, which backs away, leaving a trail of fuel leading up to it.

The man realises what he has to do, and nervously lights a matchbox and drops it in the puddle, causing fire to erupt and chase after the now rapidly reversing car. As the song erupts into static, the car is gradually overcome by the fire, the man's guilt finally destroyed by simply standing up for himself.

All in all, a brilliant video, song and message, making for a greatly memorable tune which reminds us all of the ghosts of our pasts...and how to face them.

Age Restriction:
For Heavy Emotional Content

April 08, 2015

Hitman: Blood Money Full Review

"You got a spare socket for my phone charger?"

Reviewed By: KVR (Head Writer)

Verdict: Mature Gamers Only (For Brutally Violent Content and Frequent Suggestive Material)

Release Date: May 2006

Developer: IO Interactive

Publisher: Eidos Interactive

Platforms: Windows, PlayStation 2, Xbox, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, OnLive

Genre: Stealth

April 06, 2015

KVR Gaming Update 81: Blood Money

Hello again, everyone! How are you today?

I recently went for my Maths and Science exams for The GED and just want to let you know that I passed both of them very well. I need to do three more exams, which I expect to pass, then I'll have my certificate.

Anyway, with that aside, this week's review is going to be of Hitman Blood Money. There's a lot of ground to cover in the game, so I decided to give you most pertinent content, but I do hope you guys find it useful.

I'm going to try and do reviews every week again, starting next month. It's official now. I hope you guys enjoy. :)

April 05, 2015

Take Me To Church (Hozier) - Song Review

After seeing it about twenty times, I've finally come to the conclusion that this picture makes absolutely no sense.

Reviewed By: KVR (Head Writer)

Album: Hozier (Self-Titled Album)

Artist: Hozier

Release Date: September 2013

Genre: Indie Rock

Verdict: 16+ (For Mature Themes Relating to Religion and Homosexuality)



--An angry mob drags a screaming homosexual man away from his home, and proceed to brutally stomp and beat him to death. This is out of focus.

Sexual Content/Nudity:

--(Video) We see two homosexual men interacting with each other during the video. They kiss, embrace and passionately make out as part of foreplay for sex. (Not shown.)

--The lyrics of the song are rather strongly implied to be about sex, with lines such as "she tells me 'worship in the bedroom'", "I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well", "offer me that deathless death", and "There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin."

In addition to the aforementioned, the song has been (externally) stated to be about homosexuality and the Catholic church, so the lyrics contains references to the rather strong issue.


--A few uses of "Good God" as an exclamation.

Spiritual Elements:

--As stated before, this song is about homosexuality and the Catholic church. We hear a few scattered references to "rituals", being taken to "church", "worship", and, unrelated to Catholicism, hear references to a "Goddess" and a "shrine". 

Mature Lyrics/Themes:

--The song is about homosexuality, the Church and passionate sex. The video is about homophobia and it can be inferred that the video is set in Russia and makes statements about the illegality of homosexuality in said country. This can be confirmed when we see a Television screen depicting a Gay Rights protest, with a banner in a Slavic language.

Mood: (Downbeat)

While not soul-shatteringly depressing, Take Me to Church is still a very serious song and deals with mature themes, in a rather "bitter" and "seething" tone.
Review of Song/Music Video:


The best way to describe this song is "inverted-Gospel", describing a man's frustration with the Church and his desperate struggle with his sexual desires versus his religious beliefs espoused by the system over him.

Take Me To Church has a very "churchy" atmosphere, but it sounds more like the organ's being strummed like a guitar and the choir's kicked up a riot.

While it took some getting used to, the song eventually warmed up to me, and I have to admit, it's not a bad tune at all. It has soul, energy and passion, yet it's hard not to detect cynicism and bitterness throughout its length.

Music Video:

The video is less impressive, however, offering us an "Oscar bait" story about two gay men torn apart by a homophobic gang in an Eastern European country. The music video aggressively lunges for your heartstrings with the subtlety of a bear disemboweling a catfish. Okay, maybe not that bad, but still.

There's nothing particularly memorable about the music video, besides the initial "oh" moment when I inadvertently discovered that the music video was about homosexuality after seeing the men passionately kissing. I guess the whole video also has that undercurrent of "surprise homosexuality" running through it, as the shot of the two lovers suddenly kissing is handled with less grace than gay jokes in high school. 

The music video unfortunately falls far short of crafting an effective story. The only thing I took away from the music video is that there was a box which the one gay man apparently held dear and it was burned and then he was sad because there were probably pictures and stuff of him and his lover together. 

Or maybe it was his mother's favourite pancake recipes. I don't know.

Once again, not an effective video. I don't mean to sound cold, and do want to note that I'm not homophobic, OR closed off to great stories from the gay community. Not at all.

But let's be honest: You won't find a great story here...

Final Thoughts:

Hoo boy, hot topic much? The Gay Rights movement is an incredibly strong body of activism, with uncanny amounts of influence across the globe. My home country, South Africa, was one of the first countries to legalise same-sex marriage, so I guess you can tell where we stand on this issue, politically speaking, of course.

Personally, I have rather complex views on the issue, which are not limited to either side of the "homosexuality as sin/love" debate. It's something which has caused much hatred and violent, seething aggression towards groups of people with opposing views to the hatemonger.

You may not be happy with me, but for a movement that talks about "love" and "peace" among people so much, there's a lot of extreme hatred towards people with opposing views. Of course, this does not mean everyone involved in the Gay Rights movement is aggressive. Of course not. And they're no more aggressive than the opposing side of the debate.

However, whenever a group, cause or body of activism starts using scorn, derision and personal attacks against anyone who offers an opposing view, you should be incredibly cautious as to what you're promoting. 

With that out of the way, let's talk about the song: Hozier is clearly a man consumed with anger. He's also quite young, a few years older than yours truly. Speaking from experience, one tends to be more consumed by emotions than rational thought in your youth, as many reading this may obviously know from experience.

Hatred soaks the lyrics of Take Me to Church. That much is obvious. However, it's something I can relate to on a different level, having witnessed the hypocrisy of supposed "servants of God" promoting hatred and discrimination towards anyone they deem "unworthy" of their alleged "blessings".

Hozier has clearly been abused and attacked by a system which he placed his trust in, which is an all-too-familiar pain that causes so many of us to turn away from the actual, always-loving Christ the Messiah.

Once again, I'm not saying the entirety of the Catholic church is like this towards the LGBT community. But clearly, our featured artist has received some form of hatred for his lifestyle, and as such, has been hardened up with bitterness and anger.

This song isn't that heavy to listen to, nor does it come across as extremely depressing. The video is a bit upsetting, sure, but none of it really comes across as anything scarring. (Unless, of course, you went through a similar pain.) 

But what is heavy, is the implications of the reality which lie beyond that of the written lyrics, the spoken verses and the gloomy musical atmosphere. All of this serves as only a reflection of the most disturbing reality of all: Real life.

Listening to the song is like unraveling the psyche of Hozier, bit by bit. And once you get to the core of his hatred, it's hard not to be disturbed. And disturbed we are indeed.

Age Restriction:
For Mature Themes

Outro: I hope you guys enjoyed the review. I will see you again next weekend for some more Lyritical reviews and analyses. God bless!