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December 12, 2012

KVR Archive: New Super Mario Bros U Areas of Concern


New Super Mario Bros U is the 792456th instalment in the long running Mario Bros franchise. It was released as a launch title for the Wii U on November 18th.

Intro:

Sickening....The violence......
You play as Mario as he tries to save Princess Peach from the claws of Bowser. You also mercilessly stomp a bunch of creatures to death.

Below I will tell you how the senseless violence occurs, in my Areas of Concern for New Super Mario Bros U.

Kyle van Rensburg, with a rather sullen looking Hawke Zechariah.

REVIEWING STYLE:

--Green is for mild content.

--Blue is for moderate or very brief intense content, provided that it isn't too graphic.

--Orange is for intense content.

--Red is for very graphic or prolonged intense content.
 

Areas of Concern:

General Violence:

--You can stomp on enemies; they are either squished or they fly off the screen.

--You can shoot them with fireballs; they yell and fade away when hit, or they are sent flying off the screen.

--You can consume a star power-up, and run through enemies, sending them flying.

--You can throw a "POW" cube, knocking all the enemies on the screen off the, ahem, screen. 

--You can slide down ledges, knocking enemies off the screen when you collide with them.

--You can shoot enemies with ice balls; they freeze, and you can destroy the ice cube shattering the enemy into pieces or sending them flying off the screen. You can also throw the ice cube into enemies; they are sent flying off the screen.

--You can shoot enemies with fire balls; they cringe in pain, and fly off the screen when killed.

--A few enemies are skeletons, which crumble into pieces when you stomp or hit them.

--You can fall onto lava or spikes; your character grips his rear end in pain.

--You can get electrocuted, with your character having spasms. 

--If your character is killed, he yells in pain and falls off the screen.

--You can ride on a cute dinosaur type creature named Yoshi, who can devour enemies by grabbing them with his tongue and swallowing them whole, gulps being heard.

You can also pick up a baby Yoshi, which gulps enemies down nonchalantly because it's hungry. It desensitizes children because it portrays flesh eating as cute---nah, I'm kidding. :P

You can pick another type of baby Yoshi who spits out bubbles, making enemies dissolve into coins and power-ups. 

--You can jump on turtle-like enemies, making them retreat into their shells. You can then kick or throw the shell around, and it can hit enemies, sending them flying off the screen.

Storyline Violence:

--A lot of cartoony violence follows, with explosions, destruction of environments, spellcasting (See Spiritual Content) and a lot of characters fall into pits or crash into buildings. Really mild.

Sex/Nudity:

You kidding me?

Language:

What?

Spiritual Content:

--The following symbols are portrayed: 

-Four point and Five point Stars.

-Spirals.

-Hearts. 

-Half moon symbol.

--There is a creature that has some features of a dragon, like the head, but it lacks the wings and legs. 

--A lot of spellcasting occurs: A creature called a Magikoopa features in this game. She flies around on a broomstick, and she casts spells at times, with a rainbow coloured cloud of dust being seen as she casts the spells.

The Boos are creatures who appear ghostly and can pass through walls.

A few enemies have wands, and they fire lasers and stuff at you.

One boss shoots fire rings, in a way that seems like spellcasting. Another boss clones himself and fires, ahem, fireballs at you.

Drugs/Alcohol/Tobacco Usage:

Seriously?

Scary Stuff:

--Bowser and his emblem may count as a bit creepy. At times, he is heard having an EVVVILLLLLL laughing fit.

You go to castles with lava floors and fire enemies. The music playing in the background in these levels may be considered creepy.

A few levels have you running around in the dark, with bats and enemies coming and surprising you. 

--The castles and mansions that the Boos reside in are a bit creepy, with ominous music playing and objects flying around at your character. 

Positive Content:

--Mario is a hero, who fights against the bad guys and gets the girl at the end of the day. Nothing wrong here.

Thoughts & Impressions:

Here we see the murderers walking free.....

Overview: The Wii U has launched, and this decent take on the long running Mario franchise was right alongside it.

There are a lot of throwbacks to the original Mario games which long time fans may enjoy. (The returning minor enemies, music themes, deeply complex story about a mustachioed man who has to rescue a member of royalty from a fearsome beast who wants nothing more than to have a friend, and all that good stuff.)

But to be honest with you, there's not a lot new here. Sure, it looks to be a fun game, but couldn't Nintendo shake up the formula a teeny bit? A teeny, wintsy, eeny, miny, nanotacular, molecular, pintsy tiny bit? Just a bit?

No?

Okay, let's just move onto to the gameplay:

Gameplay:

....Their gruesome murders on display.

You take on the respective roles of Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toad. Eh, Blue Toad and Yellow Toad. (Seriously Nintendo?)

The game is dealt up into 9 worlds, 8 of which are story based. You traverse through these worlds by completing levels, which have the usual platforming where you jump on enemies, brutally taking lives away from the poor souls, gaining points for murder.

What despicable morals! Nintendo video games, desensitising nations of kids to become mindless serial killers! What an abominable company, with it's filthy teachings that blaspheme the---Okay, I had my fun. :)

Power-ups return, with the P-acorn suit! It makes you fly a lot more with P letters coming out behind you! Makes sense, huh?

And then you have the very easy looking boss fights, where you simply jump on their heads three times, and all's fine and well in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Overall, a Mario game. Nothing more, nothing less.

Audiovisual:

It's okay. The console's graphics was supposedly improved from the vanilla Wii. Does it look better? Well, YouTube is not the best judge of quality, but it looks good. I'm impressed. It's good enough for me.

As for the music, it's okay. Nothing really memorable here, although I'm huge fan of the remixed Hammer Bros theme. (Yes, I'm aware that it's the old theme I linked too. There are no videos for the New Super Mario Bros U version, surprisingly.) 


New Super Mario Bros U is a decent game which unfortunately has spellcasting in it. You know my rules, I can't allow stuff like that, even if I feel that it's not that bad, rules are rules.

Verdict:

Super Mario Bros U is Not Recommended for Spellcasting.


Outro:

Yeah, I know. You're gonna disagree with that rating, but I hope you understand. I don't ban these things because they're not real. (No, the magic you see in this game is nowhere near Satanic. Still, it's magic.)

Regardless, I hope you found my Areas of Concern useful, even if you disagree with the verdict. This is Kyle van Rensburg, tuning out from---wait, wait. Now I sound like a news anchor.

Eh, this is Kyle bidding you farewell, and goodnight! 

No.....Good morning! And.....Goodbye!

....Still not working. ANYWAYS, see you later! 

PLEASE NOTE I WAS BEING SARCASTIC ABOUT MARIO! THE VIOLENCE IS NOT GORY. IT'S EXTREMELY GORY! WORSE THAN CALL OF DUTY BLACK OPS!!!!

No, not really. Just relax everybody. :P  

2 comments:

  1. What are you talking about? This is the most gory, violent game I have ever played! And I'm not even going to start on the language! Mario says "Ouch" too often to account for! I hope that you understand that I am being sarcastic!
    -a guest who is too lazy to make a profile

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    Replies
    1. Agreed. Sickening how Nintendo desensitized our entire generation with this garbage. Filth straight from the pits of hell.

      (But seriously, if it weren't for the spellcasting, this could have been a CLEAN. Saddening that they chose to put THAT in.)

      Delete