July 26, 2012

The Edge of Chaos: Kallie Kaptions: First Symphony

The Edge of Chaos: Kallie Kaptions: First Symphony: Awful name and all, here are some funny pictures from random spaces across the internet.  NOTE: These are not made by me. I saved the ...

July 25, 2012

The Walking Dead: Episode Two Areas of Concern

SURPRISE! I got a review up in any case. I apologise for the delay, but let's get to it:

The Walking Dead: Episode 2 is the second installment in the-

Hawke: No! It's the second installment!? I never knew.

Kyle: -in the Walking Dead season of video games.

Here is my review for the first episode, where I gave the game a NOT RECOMMENDED. This installment may push the rating over to STRONG CAUTION or BANNED, since playing one episode is really pointless.

Also, PLEASE NOTE: Hawke is a fictional character. The angry banter between us is not real. It is for comedy.

Red is for Hawke, and Green is for me. That way, no impersonations can occur.

Areas of Concern:

Violence: There are some flashbacks to gory moments from the first episode.

PC (Player Character) sneaks up on a zombie eating a rabbit. The eating is only heard not shown. PC then chops the zombie in the head, with a bit of blood. This is partially obscured, however. 

The rabbit's bloody carcase is seen afterwards.

A man is heard screaming in the distance. You come to him, and you see he has his foot stuck in a bear trap. It is bloody.

You....have to chop his leg off to get him loose. You see a close-up of the ax going into the leg with blood spraying and the man screaming. You chop him three more times, each time the leg gets separated more from his knee. The camera lingers on this very much.

Finally, his leg falls off, and the bloody stump is seen. Epic.

If you leave him, zombies are seen swarming him, and his screams are heard as he is eaten.

A guy is seen getting attacked by zombies; he is bitten in the neck with blood spraying, him screaming, and one zombie dips a hand into his stomach and pulls out an intestine real quickly.

A woman later mends the legless guy's stump. She is seen stained with blood.

A woman is attacked by a zombie; the zombie grabs you, and you hit his head against a truck bed several times, with a bit of blood. You then kick him backwards into the truck's window. A man tries to ax him, and he fails.

You kick the zombie a few times afterwards, with blood. A man hits the zombie with a block of wood, a bit of blood is seen. You then roll off the truck bed, and the zombie follows suit. You gouge the zombies eyes out, blood leaking, to get him off you. Another man gives him an ax to the back of the head. He dies, and the wound is seen.

The violence is partially toned down by the fact that the zombie doesn't seem to be in pain when this happens.

A man shoots another man several times with the shotgun. Blood is seen spraying. This is shown from a distance.

A zombie's dead corpse is seen getting snacked on by a raven. A zombie. Dead. Ironic huh? Oh, never mind....

You have to push him off a fence to clean up the scenery or something to that effect. You remove an arrow from his neck.

A dead (Hehe) zombie is seen holding on to a fence. You chop both her hands off, with some blood, and she just falls over.

A man is shot in the shoulder with an arrow. Blood is seen spraying and he yells in pain.

A zombie suddenly grabs you; you stomp him twice in the face, and then pull him really hard, ripping him in half with blood spraying. This happens quickly. The zombie then proceeds to chase you, and is shot by an arrow if you outrun him.

You can shoot a woman with a sniper rifle. If you do, blood sprays, there is a big, bloody exit wound at the back of her head, and she falls over, blood pooling from her head.

A whole room full of bloodied tools is seen. It is quite gross. 

A man who had his legs cut off lies in a pool of blood. He talks for a while. He mentions you should not eat dinner...

Yep, it is heavily implied the people you visited are cannibals. And the lady later admits to it, because the apocalypse made them short on 'rations'. Have fun eating dinner from now on!

The legless man who was made dinner of crawls down the stairs, and is briefly seen again with a bloody trail behind him-gross.

A man has to break a guy's head to keep him from turning into a zombie. He takes a large cow lick brick, and smashes it with blood spraying and part of his head is seen missing. This is partially obscured by the brick, but the blood and pieces are stomach churning.

A few jars with, yep, human organs are seen.

Your character can attack a man with a sickle. It seen hitting his shoulder with a bit of blood. He plucks it out. Another man slices him a few times with a sickle, blood spraying, he steps on a bear trap, blood spraying. He sits there, immobile.

You can choose to kill him; if you do so, your character stabs him in the chest with a pitchfork, blood spraying and staining his shirt, and he dies instantly.

A zombie suddenly grabs a woman and neck munches her, blood spraying. 

PC hits a guy in the face with a rifle, blood spurting. The man then kicks your character. PC is then almost pushed into an electric fence by him. PC then proceeds to punch him several times. This carries on for a while, the man's face becoming more bloody and bruised as it goes on.

You can choose to kill the man; PC kicks him into an electric fence. He convulses and screams, and falls over dead.

Player death scenes:

If you fail at saving a woman from a zombie, the zombie grabs you and bits your hand with blood spraying. 

If you fail at fending off a zombie, he bites your neck with blood spraying, and he seen with some bloody flesh in his mouth.

If you fail again, he bites your leg with blood spraying.

If you fail AGAIN, he is seen biting your characters neck with blood spraying, and a bloody wound is seen on your characters neck.

If you fail at taking cover behind a tractor, your character is shot in the eye with an arrow, blood spraying, and he falls over dead. 

If you fail at running away from a crawling zombie, your character is grabbed by him, and neck munched.

If your character fails to fend off an enemy, the gun he is holding is seen shooting the camera. It falls over. 

You can be shot; blood is seen spraying very briefly.

There are some more death scenes, but I haven't had the time to watch them. But this is probably enough to steer people away. 

Now off to my incompetent partner!

Kyle: Hey, watch yourself!

Sex/Nudity: A brief mention of people being rapists.

Language: Semi-Frequent Strong Language: Uses of B**ch, S**t, A*s, F**k, H**l, B**ls, P**s, and D**n.

God' and Jesus' name are used in vain.

Drugs/Alcohol/Smoking: Nothing.

Spiritual Content: The zombies appear to be infected by some kind of virus. When the human host dies, apparently they are taken over by the virus and become zombies. Don't know if this is supernatural, but I don't think it is.

Creepy Stuff: As always, the zombies jump out and scare you, and there a number of very tense scenes.

Gross Stuff: Some people are seen throwing up after the aforementioned cannibal revelation. Makes sense, as they ate a bit of the food.

Review of Game:

Story: The story is actually pretty good, with plot twists and events taking you by surprise, and the characters are actually compelling. Now, that doesn't mean I recommend it, but the hard work of the developers deserves to be acknowledged.

Audiovisual: The graphics are still comic book style, but that's good. It adds to the atmosphere of the game.

The voice acting is pretty good too. The actors deliver, and sound believable.

The Walking Dead Episode Two is even more compelling that it's predecessor, but it is unfortunately more gruesome too. As such, I can't recommend it, but there isn't enough factors that would outright BAN this game. So, this is getting a:

  • Good story: The story is well written, and compelling. The gore is unnecessary however, and this sort of detracts from the story.
  • Good Audiovisual: The comic book art style and the voice acting are pretty good, and add to the game's atmosphere.
  • Gory Lingering Violence: Come on, try to sit through the leg chopping off scene. I dare you! This game is very gruesome, and this will deter many people.
  • Semi-Frequent Strong Language: As per usual, cuss words. And Jesus' name is used in vain.
  • Creepy Atmosphere: This game is quite dark, and the zombies are, well, creepy.
  • No Spiritual Content: So far, so good. Nothing that will outright ban the game yet.
So there you have it! Another game that you should probably skip. I apologise for the delay, and Hawke got impatient and ran off. Thankfully, he's not here to-
Hawke: What's up, everybody! I got myself some ice cream in a cone, and some Smarties-
Kyle: Hawke! No product placements on my site! And the review is done, scrunchball. You can go back to sleep now.
Hawke: Oh whatever, sweetheart! You took so long making this thing-
Kyle: If you think you can do it better, do it yourself!
Hawke: Do it better myself? Hmm...
Alright then, I will! Next review is done by me. No Kyle, only Hawke. Deal?
Kyle: *snicker* Deal!
Hawke: What's so funny?
Kyle: Oh, nothing....
Hawke: Okay, anyways! My dessert is melting. This is Hawke Zechariah saying good night, and ice cream!
Kyle: Cookies.
Hawke: No, ice cream!
Kyle: ...and cookies. 

EDIT: Special thanks to Henry Combrinck for helping me out with the verdict!

July 23, 2012


What's up, everybody? Oh, forgot about the cat, sorry.

But getting past the accident with the snowmobile, I decided to do something very important with my blog: Turn the clock back THREE years.

What I mean by that, is I'm now doing reviews of games 2001 and onwards, instead of only 2004 and onwards. That is the limit, folks!

However, newer games remain my priority, and I will not forsake them. This is just something to help people so that they can make more requests, and to give me more breathing room when I try to review older games.

So if you wanna request, request away at the game's list thingy you see to the right! Thank you, and hope the snowmobile was okay.

July 18, 2012

KVR Archive: Spec Ops: The Line Areas of Concern

Spec Ops: The Line is a 2012 video game, released for the PC, Xbox 360, and Playstation 3.

PLEASE NOTE: I have not played this game. However, I have watched a playthrough of it with commentary, which is actually pretty close to playing the game. So you will definitely get an accurate review.

Areas of Concern:

Violence: The game is a shooter. Multiple enemies are shot during the course of the game. When this happens, a large amount of blood sprays, staining the environment, and the enemies scream in pain. The game goes briefly into slow motion when you get a head shot.

After enemies are dead, a blood pool forms where they are lying.

Some other weapons can decapitate enemies when you shoot them; a brief blood spray is emitted, and they collapse, headless.

Sometimes, when an enemy falls down, you can execute them; your character kicks or punches them real hard, and blood sprays on the camera. You can also hit them with the butt of your gun, or shoot them, with blood. Other times, with a shotgun, your character shoots the enemy in the knee, and in the head, blowing it off. Yum.

You can also take out enemies with grenades; there is an explosion, and sometimes scattered bloody body parts are seen. Sometimes, they dissolve into a bloody red cloud, and some blood stains are left over.

If you are shot, blood stains the screen, and if you are killed, your character falls over and dies.

Storyline Violence: Two helicopters fire at each other. When you shoot a few, they catch fire and spin out of control.

A helicopter spins out of control and crashes into another helicopter.

A bunch of dead bodies are seen. You can shoot their heads off with a brief spray of orange fluid emitted, which I delightfully found out thanks to a rather trigger happy commentator.

A man pulls open a piece of cloth over a vehicle next to bloodstains, and a man falls out, with a rather gruesome looking wound near his face, and a lot of blood. His face is seen in close-up very briefly; he has blood coming out of his nose and mouth.

You can shoot out a bus filled with sand, which is hanging over a group of enemies. The enemies yell briefly, and then die.

A man shoots a hostage, with a brief big blood burst. The man threatens to kill another hostage if you come closer. You attack the enemies, but the other hostage ends up dead regardless.

A bunch of soldiers are seen dead, with blood on them and the surrounding environment. A man mentions it was an execution.

A man with blood and bruises on his face, is repeatedly punched by another man, and blood sprays, sometimes on the camera.

A man grabs another man, and uses the man's gun to shoot him in the head, with blood spraying briefly.

A man is heard torturing a man briefly; he screams in pain.

You walk underneath a building; a whole lot of bloody corpses are seen. This scene is quite gruesome.

A burnt corpse is seen hanging upside down. He is seen in close-up, from the side mostly.

A few blood stained corpses are seen; ravens are seen feeding on them, but this is not as graphic.

A few hanging dead soldiers are seen, with bags over their heads.

A few dead people are seen in a ravine; not much detail, but there are flies buzzing around, and a few living people are lying there, coughing.

Phosphorous suddenly ignites a few people; they are seen rolling around, screaming. This is quite gruesome.

A man fires a gun for a long time, next to a woman's head. I found out they do this because the hot sand burns the victim's skin. Afterwards, he just shoots her, blood spraying. They repeat the gun sand thing with another guy, who you can choose to save.

A man is seen to have been injured; blood stains his clothes. He later dies, a man tries to resuscitate him, and fails.

A man stabs an enemy in the throat, blood is seen leaking out briefly, and the enemy collapses dead.

You shoot a bunch of people with mortars containing phosphorus; you see the explosion, and hear them screaming from a distance. Afterwards, you walk through the trenches, and see the injured soldiers crawling around, burnt and missing limbs. This is not as detailed as it sounds, but some of the soldiers are implied to be in pain, so it is quite stomach churning.

A man with a burnt face looks at your character, and dies after saying something.

Some burnt civilians are seen; they are frozen in death, and are smoking from being burnt. A burnt mother and child are seen amongst them; the camera lingers on these two. Yegh.

A bunch of burnt soldiers are seen; their faces are frozen in a shocked reaction, but the camera doesn't focus on it.

You have to choose which one of two soldiers lives or dies. When one or the other is shot, it isn't graphic.

A man grabs another man, smashes him against a glass window a few times, drops him on the floor, hits him again, and the man dies. Blood is seen spattering.

After a huge chase, involving blowing up Humvees and helicopters, a truck crashes and flings a man through a window. He wakes up, and is bloody and bruised. He stumbles around, obviously injured.

A man is seen pinned underneath a Humvee. He asks you to shoot him, assisted suicide. You can, or leave him to burn; he is seen getting covered in flames, and screams for a brief while.

A man raises a gun at another man; you have to option of killing him. When you do, your character brutally hits him a few times with the butt of his rifle. Blood is seen spattering all over the place.

A man suddenly shoots another man, blood spraying all over the camera.

A bloodied man is hanged; another man shoots him down and tries to resuscitate him unsuccessfully. 

A bunch of people on fire swarm your character and set him on fire. He screams and flails around.

A man's decomposing dead body is seen. Blood is seen stained on his shirt.

Sex/Nudity: A man says he prefers beaches with a 3-1 sexy lady ratio, as opposed to the desert he is currently in.

A man asks why another man has a "hard-on" for the army regiment they are supposed to track down.

A painting of a scantily clad woman holding a pole is seen.

Language: Frequent Strong Language: Uses of S**t, with it's variants, (Bulls**t) F**k, with it's variants, (Motherf***er, F**k yourself) A*s, D**n, H**l, C**p, B***ard, B**ls, B**ch. One use of C**t, some people might not hear it, but it's there.

Jesus and God's name are used in vain, sometimes in conjunction with the F-word. This is offensive, and I think this will turn off a lot of you from purchasing the game.

Drugs/Alcohol/Smoking: A bar is seen, but no drinking. A man is seen smoking a cigarette.

Spiritual Content: The peace symbol is briefly seen on a building. A mini statue of Buddha is briefly seen.

There is some Hard Rock played in one of the levels. It is very surreal and unsettling. I couldn't hear the lyrics, but once it comes on you might want to turn your speakers down.

Gross Stuff: Some of the corpses are burnt, bloody, and swarmed by flies. This is a bit nauseating.

A man throws up; the yellow fluid is seen.
Creepy Stuff: A lot of really strange things are going on in the location where you are stationed. One time you suddenly seem to have a nightmare sequence, showing you dead people.

The game itself has a very unsettling tone. You always feel there's something not quite right going on. Of course, this happens to be true, but I think I will stop there.

So that's the Areas of Concern! On to the review:

Review of Game:

Story: Spec Ops: The Line delivers an experience unlike any other.

...Don't interpret that in a good way. Good, as in, happy. This game is really dark, has a depressing ending no matter how hard you try to get it otherwise, and it is unfortunately filled with very audacious misuses of our Lord Jesus' name.

But in spite of that, the dark tone works. Why? Because it shows what really happens to a soldier as he goes through war.

...according to what they say about it. But yes, I do believe that war is hell, and soldiers go through a lot. As far as I know. I've never been to war, after all, and I don't plan on going to war.

But back to the point: The basic story of Spec Ops: The Line is of Captain Martin Walker trying to find out what happened to John Konrad, a soldier who was sent to a post-apocalyptic Dubai in order to save people.

He failed. Oops. And it's up to Captain Walker to find out what really happened. And to witness a whole lot of gruesome stuff.

...And swear a lot. And blaspheme a lot, too.

I went through a lot of soul-searching to find out if I should allow this game. (Soul-searching as in eating lots of Doritos.) And I came to a decision on Monday, two days before this review goes up. My decision was, I'll let it pass.

Why? Well, you seem to be very curious! But I let it pass because of what the game aims for.

The misuses of Jesus name will definately turn most of you away. This game actually aims for another audience; the people who go around giggling with glee as they blow enemy soldier's heads off, and are probably not bothered with the blasphemy too.

This game aims for them. It specifically starts off seeming like a shooter that just oozes "AMERICA!" out of every pore, until the game takes a rather abrupt and dark turn. It is a very gruesome moment when that happens.

But it works. This game is one of the few that actually aims to portray war for what it is. Now, I'm not saying you're wrong for playing games like Call of Duty, Gears of War, or Battlefield, no. That would be hypocritical of me.

However, this game takes a bold leap in portraying war differently from how those games portray, and it pays off. It even has a good twist at the end, which I could honestly see coming, but it was still good nonetheless.

So the story is dark, gruesome, but that's the way it should be.

Don't worry folks. Those candles don't allude to anything supernatural...I think.

Audiovisual: Nothing to ring home about, but this game's graphics are REALLY only there to support the story, as is it's gameplay too, but I can't review that since I haven't played it.

The voice acting is good. The characters are likable, if not extraordinary. But still, good.

I'll have to play this game to give you a full review, so let's sum it up:

Spec Ops: The Line is a grotesque, dark, and all round depressing game that ends on a sour note, no matter how much you try to do otherwise.

The language is gratuitous, with Jesus' name being misused noticeably in conjunction with the F-word. But if they didn't use the F-word, would it suddenly be okay? Nope. Blasphemy stays blasphemy. And the game doesn't blaspheme more than most movies these days, if you want to make a comparison. Not that it makes okay, by the way.

The violence on the other hand, is fully justified. You may have read it already, but I'll say it again: The game aims to show you how bad warfare can sometimes be, even if it is on a smaller scale. The game has very dark moments, with innocent people getting caught in the crossfire.

This game shows you just how much a soldier's mental stability can deteriorate after events depicted, with the ending having a fine plot twist that certainly made sense, and served the story's theme quite well.

All in all, Spec Ops: The Line pushes it far with the language, but the violence is completely justified. It shows a reality different from what most shooters show; grisly, lots of deaths, but it end on a happy note overall. Not in this game, and that's why, it is one the best games to come around a while, even if it's gameplay fails to innovate, or it's language is cartoonishly exaggerated.

Congratulations developers. You had guts, and it payed off. Even if you REALLY could have left Jesus alone.

  • Challenging Story: The game shows the dark side of war, and it does it well. The story itself is not completely original, but it works really well nonetheless.
  • Supportive Audiovisual: The game's voice acting is okay, and the visuals are too. They are only really there to support the story, which is good, even if the game could have looked better.
  • Grotesque, Justified Violence: The violence is very bad, but it works. This is the way it's supposed to be. But you might want to exercise caution, nonetheless.
  • Gratuitous Language: They could have left Jesus alone, and the F-word is used frequently, along with a single use of the C-word. Not really justified, even if you think this is the way soldiers talk.
  • Mild spiritual references: One statue of Buddha is seen in the background very briefly. Otherwise, nothing.
  • Very Mild Suggestive References: One or two silly throwaway references.
  • For ages 16-17 minimum!
So there it is! Another game that is between you and Jesus, as always.

This review will definitely be updated in the future, when I actually play this game for real.

But until then, upvote this post, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, COOKIES...ETC!

Until next time, Kyle out!

July 12, 2012


Welcome to Kyle's Game reviews! Here is important blog information everybody needs to know before reading my reviews. It is presented in the form of a Q&A. Let's get to it:

Blog related questions:

Question: What is the purpose of this blog?

Answer: To provide believers in Jesus Christ with information about popular and recent video games, to aid them in their purchasing decisions.

Question: Who can read this blog?

Answer: Anybody! Well, maybe children should stay away, but teenagers, adults, and parents are always welcome. It is written in such a way that gamers may like it, but also so that non-gamers can understand it.

I also make the fonts large, so that people with lesser vision can read it. :P

Question: What age do I need to be to read your reviews?

Answer: Well, I would say at least 12 years old, considering I do talk about EVERYTHING a game contains. For the posts that may contain more mature subject matter, I usually put up a parental guidance warning. 

Question: What are the ratings you use?

Answer: I prefer that people read the reviews themselves, take it to Jesus, and then decide to buy or not buy it. Generally, a game I Ban is one you can safely avoid, but stuff I allow you should take with a grain of salt.

It's between you and Jesus, not me. But with that said, I use ratings as a guide for some people, to show them where they should exercise extra caution.

Here it is:


This means this game is safe for anybody. No problems here at all!


You might want to exercise a bit of caution, especially with children, but this is probably okay. These may contain mild to low moderate violence, mild suggestive references, and a symbol or two.


You have to do a bit of deciding here. These games may contain moderate violence, with blood, moderate language, suggestive references, and some symbols. Younger teens have to exercise caution.


These games are usually rated M/16/18. These are the ones that older teens can play, with caution. These may contain, brief bloody violence, with a bit of gore, moderate language, suggestive references, and some symbols.


You have to be careful here. These games may contain strong language, gore, AVOIDABLE sexual content, and symbols. Possibly some mature themes as well. (Mature as in deep, not sexual or gory.)


This is the in-between of Strong caution and Banned. These games aren't a crisis if you have them, but they are probably best avoided if you don't.


These are the games you can completely avoid. Banning factors are: Extremely strong language, maybe including vulgar words with sexual connotations, unavoidable sexual content, nudity, tasteless violence, involving gore or glorification of violence, and spiritual content, involving casting of spells, the supernatural, or world-views that are against our own. (If the game actively promotes such a view.)

Question: What is your scores for the actual game? (Aug 12)

Answer: I generally try to avoid scores, since people focus on them and not your actual review, but I recently decided that I could make some just to give people an idea.

Here they are:



These games are not worth any sort of attention. Save your money for something else.


Not really worth much, but you could get a bit of fun out of it if you really try.

Not really worth the money, pretty generic, but it could also be fun.

You'll have a good time with these games. You won't be amazed, but you'll have fun.
Very good

These games are the product of great care by the developers; they are fun, challenging, and worth the money. Buy it!

The rare game that exceeds any expectations; where others go a mile, this one goes a thousand. Where others pay no mind, this one gives full attention to even the smallest of details. A game that any gamer needs to have in their collection.

Question: How do you do game reviews?

Answer: Well, I play them! It generally involves me playing a brief bit, switching over to Blogger, typing some stuff in, switching back over, etc, etc.

It is quite tiring, to be honest. :P But if it helps people, I'll do it with a smile on my face.

But if you want to know how I review games I haven't played....Well, that's just a gift. :)

I'm kidding! :P

I watch Let's Play's of games, which is basically the same process as reviewing, except with YouTube.

Question: What are Let's Play's?

Answer: A Let's Play is where a gamer plays a game, usually with commentary, just for the fun of it, and for the entertainment of the viewer.

They are also very insightful, as you can watch somebody play the game from front to back, effectively the same as playing the game yourself. Well, not entirely, but I will say that I can review 98% of a game's content accurately.

So, yeah, Let's Play's are used for my reviews of games I haven't played.

Question: What Let's Players do you like?

Answer: Sorry, can't say on the blog.

Question: Why not?

Answer: Well, every Let's Player I have come across, swears. And I don't want to end up offending somebody, so I'm not going to say who.

But if you REALLY want to know, send me an email at

Question: I find it really offensive that you let X game pass!

Answer: ....that's not really a question.

But it does bring a point to mind; what I say is okay, is not going to apply to everybody. Just because I allowed Call of Duty: Black Ops, doesn't mean you should.

Everybody has different fights in life, and some people are effected differently than others. Keep that in mind.

Question: Do you review games for younger kids?

Answer: If they are from 2001 and onwards, (As all my review are.) then yes, I will.

But it should be noted, that I prefer to focus on games which you might have difficulty deciding about, as a lot of kids games are generally quite clean. Mostly.

Question: Are you ever going to make this a better site, like include videos, forums, and all round cool stuff?
Answer: Yes, of course! But I'm trying to get my reviewing style right, and get more readers first. I will update the blog to a better format some time, when I got the $$$. :P

Question: Games are getting boring. Why not personal questions?

Answer: ....Uh, sure.

(Kyle van Rensburg) Personal questions:

Question: Okay, first question: How old are you?

Answer: I was born June 1995. Do the math. I'm too lazy to update this every birthday.

Question: Do you have a girlfriend?

Answer: ....No.

Question: So, are you gay?

Answer: ....No. (???????)

Question: So, do you have a girlfriend then?

Answer: ....Next question.

Question: Who is Hawke?

Answer: Hawke is a fictional character that I invented. He is based off a lead character from a novel I had to shelve, due to the fact that it's too ambitious for a first novel.

I hate shelving novels, but this time it made more sense to do so. Hawke, however, was too good a character to throw away, and so I decided to make him part of the blog. 

And by the way, I recently finished the first draft of a new novel. So I DO have the commitment to make a book, okay? 

Question: Is Hawke your boyfriend?

Answer: No......wait, what?

Question: Is Hawke your girlfriend?

Answer: ...No. He isn't. Next question.

Question: Do you have other characters who will appear on the blog?

Answer: I'll think some up.....

Question: What lays in the future for Kyle?

Answer: Filmmaking, definitely. I am currently a visual effects artist, but that is not all I'm going to be. I am fully committed to making great movies one day, hopefully soon. Which is why I started writing a novel, so that I can get my storytelling skills right.

If it be Jesus' will, you might be seeing a few movies with the pre-title "Kyle van Rensburg presents" in the not too distant future. :)

Hopefully it also includes the SUB-title "Critic's choice: Best film of 20XX!"

Question: Why don't you have a girlfriend?

Answer: Because who needs girls when you got VIDEO GAMES!

...Darn it. :(

Question: ...Is there going to be more questions?

Answer: Yes, there will be. You can even submit some of your own in the comment section below. Just make sure it hasn't been answered in this post or the sidebar to the right.

And that concludes my Q&A that nobody asks for, but is there in case anybody asks!



July 11, 2012

The Walking Dead: Episode One Areas of Concern

(PLEASE NOTE: Hawke is a fictional character, and is there for humour. If it looks like two Christians fighting each other, it's not. Just wanted to make that clear, and as they are jokes, don't take our banter too seriously. :P)

The Walking Dead is a 2012 video game spread across "Episodes". I will only be focusing on Episode One in this review. Apparently it is based upon a series of comic books, from which a TV show was adapted TOO!

I have no experience with either, as such, I don't know how gory or "supernatural" it is, so this review is made up as I go along. Should be interesting. :)

Oh, and Hawke is along for the ride. Yay.

Hawke: Hm Hm! I love me some TV shows! Always great to have a Cokesi, a nice bag of munchy stuff, and a LED TV playing my favourite shows. Man, good times! Would you kindly pass me the popcorn, cherry?

Kyle: It's a game, scrunchball. Besides, there is no popcorn left. You ate it. Remember? Oh, and please don't call me cherry. People will think badly.

Hawke: Alright, alright, I'll not call you cherry anymore, sweetheart.

Kyle: That's not any better! Now people will think even more bad-

Hawke: Yeah, whatever. Let's go to the Review!

Kyle: Areas of Concer-

Hawke: Areas of Concern!

Areas of Concern:

Red is for Hawke, Green is for Kyle.
Violence: An incompetent so-called police officer crashes into a zombie, blood splats on the windshield real quickly, and the car spins out of control. He and the Player Character (PC) tumble over for a while, and then stop.

PC looks at a car with a bit of blood stains. A man is heard firing a gun and screaming horribly in the background.

PC wakes up in said car, and looks at his leg to see a bloody wound on it.

PC looks at the incompetent officer to reveal that he is lying in blood, looking dead.

The incompetent police officer suddenly lunges at PC, and there is some blood stains seen on his mouth. He tries to kill PC. PC finds a shotgun, and fires at the officer. There is a blood burst, and half his head is seen missing. There is a brief close up. A blood pools around his half-head. Literal half-head, I mean. >:)

If you fail; the police officer grabs PC and bites his neck with blood spraying. This is seen for a few seconds, and then it cuts away.

PC walks into a house, with a bit of blood stains on the walls and the floor. PC tries to walk over the bloodstains, and slips in it. Yum. A bit of the sauce is seen on him afterwards.

PC listens to messages left on a tape machine; the final message is of what seems to be a dying mother telling her daughter she loves her.

PC is suddenly attacked by a zombified incompetent babysitter. She grabs his arms and growls at PC. PC breaks free and slips over the blood, AGAIN, and hits his head against a cupboard.

PC crawls away, and kicks the zombie. She attacks him again, he punches her. She attacks him AGAIN, he punches her. He grabs a hammer, and gives her one to the head.

He proceeds to hit hear four times more; three times in rapid succession, blood sprays, her head splits open, and then a fourth time, the hammer gets stuck, he jerks it loose, and you get the nice visual of her having a literal "splitting' headache, with blood pooling out and her white eyes looking at opposite directions.

Sweet dreams, sweetheart!


-_- Never mind. Moving on:

If you fail at fighting the babysitter, this happens; She grabs PC, and bites his neck with blood spraying. She then proceeds to bite him some more, off-screen.

PC has to push a car onto the road; if he fails, he is seen from a distance getting neck-munched.

A man is trapped by a tractor. A kid sits on the tractor. He is grabbed by some zombies. He is saved either way by another man. If you don't save the man under the tractor, zombies break through and bite him in the neck and leg, with blood spraying. He is seen with blood on him afterwards. Another man comes and blows the zombies' heads off. Blood spraying and the bloody stump where the head was is shown.

A few zombies are seen eating somebody; this is not shown in detail. A few of them chase you, and are shot, blood spraying. 

A woman shoots a zombie; he seems to be missing part of his skull when he drops over, but this is not focused on.

A man suddenly gets a heart attack. He falls over, and you are told to go get him some PILLS!

A man walks into a room filled with blood stains.

A girl hurts her finger in a desk. Blood is seen on it. Extremely gruesome. I nearly fainted during this scene.

You see a zombie sitting at a truck. He can be shot, with blood spraying.

You observe a zombie eating somebody. This is not focused on, but you do see a bloody corpse. If PC fails to attack her, he is bitten in the neck with blood spraying. After he's dead, the zombie digs its hand quickly into his stomach, pulls out an intestine and munches on it.

Now that, is messed up!

If he succeeds, the screwdriver he uses goes into her head, blood spurting, and out again. This happens very quickly.

You can attack another zombie; you stab him in the heart with the screwdriver, blood spraying, and then in the eye, blood spraying. This happens quickly. If you fail, same thing with neck munch and intestine snack happens.

Same thing with screwdriver and intestine munch happens with another zombie.

PC stabs a zombie with the screwdriver straight in the head. Blood is seen and he dies quickly.

PC can attack a zombie with an axe; you see the axe hitting the neck with blood spraying.
Another zombie comes; same thing with the axe, except you see the head fall off real quickly.
If you fail either...........NECK MUNCH! :D

A woman wrestles with another woman on a wooden ledge, which cracks and they fall down a story. Nobody is seriously injured.

A suicidal woman is seen holding a gun to her head; if she goes through with it, a brief blood spray and a head wound is seen. She collapses, dead.

PC attacks yet another zombie with an axe; he hits his neck, and blood is seen squirting real briefly. He has to repeat this a few times, until he finally gives the melon brain one to the....melon. It is seen with a split on it, like a....melon. The zombie is stained with blood afterwards.

A few zombies are seen eating a dead person briefly, with blood spraying.

A couple of zombies break through a door, and eat the people holding it closed off-screen quickly. 

A woman shoots a few zombies; blood is seen spraying. If you fail to hold a door open....NEEEECKKK MUNCCHHHH!

You can choose to save one or two people; if you save the woman, the man is dragged out a window and eating off-screen quickly with a bit of blood. If you save the man, the woman is grabbed by a zombie, quickly bitten in the neck with blood spraying, and the scene then cuts away.

A girl is attacked by a zombie; if you fail to save her, the zombie NECK MUNCHES her off-screen very quickly. If you save her, PC kicks the zombie three times to the head.

A man gives a zombie an ax to the head with a very brief close up. Blood is seen spurting.
If you fail to run away from said zombie:

Gunshots are heard in the distance, a man is heard screaming.

Now after all this, a question you might ask; how gruesome is the game? Well, err, it's fairly gruesome. I won't kid ya. The death scenes are a bit nauseating, but I will leave it up to my 'partner' to tell ya off on whether or not it exceeds the limit. In any case, my job here is done, off to you, Kallie!


Hawke: Hey, I said off to you!

Kyle: ZZZZZZZZZ. And cookies.

Hawke: Sigh. Guess I have to wake him up.....

Kyle: ZZZZZZ-OWWW! Who in the world!? YOU! Why the jumper cables?!?

Hawke: Ahem....

Kyle: I mean, I'm sitting here napping of thousands and thousands of cheese flavoured Doritos, and then YOU come and-

Hawke: AHEM!

Kyle: What? Oh, wait. It's my turn. Err, so what category is next? Oh, right. Ahem:

Sex/Nudity: A man asks PC if he has any children. He can say: "I don't really know..."

A rack in a pharmacy is labeled; "Family Planning"

A woman mentions that a man killed a senator who was sleeping with the man's wife.

Language: Semi-frequent Strong Language: Uses of H**l, F**k, S**t, C**p, A*s, B**ch, and D**k.

God and Jesus' name are used in vain infrequently.

Drugs/Alcohol/Smoking: Not really anything.

Spiritual Content: A child's drawing of a unicorn is seen.

A woman mentions she does not want to be like one of the zombies, because they are 'satanic'.
The zombies actual origins are not made clear, so she is probably saying this more from a religious perspective. (She is lightly implied to be a Christian.)

Now, are the zombies supernatural or not? I don't know, but they do seem to be a infected by a virus in the very disconnected from reality way. Zombies bite humans, they seem to die, and then wake up as mindless monsters. Maybe supernatural, maybe not. I don't know. It is implied that if people really die, they don't come back as zombies. Once again, not sure.

Gross Stuff: The zombies themselves seem to be in a state of decay, with their lips having, for lack of a better term, melted off their faces, and their eyes being white as a sheet.

They also have a few mutilated body parts, but this isn't really focused on.

A man is shown throwing up, with the yellow fluid seen.

Creepy Stuff: The zombies themselves have a very creepy appearence, and there are a few scenes of them suddenly jumping out and attacking people.
Themes: The whole tone I get from looking up about The Walking Dead, be it TV show, game, or comic book, seems to be one of gloom and despair, but people are shown trying to desperately survive in this dystopia.

All in all, The Walking Dead is very serious, gruesome, and mature. (As in the REAL sense of the word; difficult story-lines, not GORE, and NUDITY! Although....The game does contain gore. Thankfully no nudity. But still....gore.)

So that is the Areas of Concern! I will have a short conclusion after the review, so read on!

Review of Game:

Story: Welcome to the zombie apocalypse, seen in so many films over the years. It has been popular with audiences for a long time, which I never could grasp. The Walking Dead's storyline, characters, and use of multiple choices make me see why this genre could be popular, even if it is grotesquely dark.

You take over the role of a man named Lee, who is in the wrong end of a police car when the game begins. Suddenly, a Walker (The zombies in this game.) comes out of nowhere and is struck by the vehicle.

Lee makes it out alive, but injured. The cop, is not so lucky, and turns into one of the Walkers. So in the first ten minutes you get a glimpse of how gruesome this entire franchise is, evidenced by Lee blowing off the cop's head, with a rather nice close-up.

However, compared to something like Dead Space, the gore actually seems to work in the storylin-yes, yes! I know. But in this contex-Alright, yes! Maybe there should not have been that much gore, and it is put in for sensational value, but all I'm trying to say is it works in the storyline, as opposed to Dead Space which just crams in all kinds of horrific things for pure shock value.

But in any case, how is the story? Very well written. Lee is a very sympathetic character, even if you have a sneaking suspicion about him. The game also does a good job of portraying people in the midst of an apocalypse, as they are busy breaking down from the whole event.

So even if I won't let this game pass for obvious reasons, it is very well written, and the developers did a good job.

Audiovisual: The comic book art style works well in this game, and the voice acting is very good too. There is some hiccups with the audio, which is noticeably heard distorting.

So the Audiovisual helps the game. Shortest section ever!

Now, it's time for the conclusion:

The Walking Dead represents a return of the adventure genre, and it is undeniably well written, well voice acted, and the adventure game elements are fun. Nonetheless, the game has strong violence, which is brief, but detailed and strong. Seriously, try playing the part where you hit a Walker a few times over again with an axe. It is quite cruel. 

As such, I guess I can say that most Christians won't play this game, for the gore. If you are somehow unaffected by it, there is still the fact that it borders on being a horror movie. So I think this is a case of better safe than sorry.

Pass on this game. Rather get a game like Portal 2 or something. (Yes, it's not entirely the same, but it's cleaner, and there is not a lot of adventure games I can actually allow, so.....)

  • Great Story: The game is well written, with the choices you make actually mattering in the long run. Still, the gore and horror makes this one a turn-off.
  • Good Audiovisual: The game's cartoon art style and voice acting are very good. Some noticeable flaws, however.
  • Very Graphic Violence: The gore is the main turn-off, with the violence being brief, but lingering on detail. Seriously, you might get nightmares. Maybe. *glances over at Hawke*
  • Semi-Frequent Strong Language: Here and there, a cuss word flies, but it's not as frequent or bad as the violence. But it is enough to be noted.
  • Ambiguously Supernatural: I don't know enough to be sure, I'll have to wait for the rest of the episodes to tell you with certainty. Better safe than sorry, though.
So that's my review! Special thanks to Henry Combrinck for helping me out with some of my grammar, and making sure my jokes with Hawke don't go too far. 

Thanks man! Here is ten cookies for you: (#) (#) (#) (#) (#) (#) (#) (#) (#) (#) 
Oh, and special thanks to Hawke. Better say that before he pops up again-

Hawke: Thank you! Thank you! Man, it felt good! I'm so happy I could be a MASSIVE help to you! Oh, boy! I'm awesome, huh? Oh yes, thank you. And you too, man!

Kyle: See my troubles? Anyways, that's all the time I have, better get back to my maths. Got a long way to go.

See ya, next week!


And Hawke, too. :D